I'll do my best to give a quick overview of what has been going on. I didn't realize that it had been over two months since I last updated.
In late June, my awesome friend got some of her friends together and had a benefit concert for me. It could not have turned out more perfect. The venue where they were having it was very small, so the only thing I had prayed for that day was no rain so that they could set up their equipment and play outside. As we drove around downtown looking for an impossible parking spot, it was pouring down so hard that I could barely see to drive. I eventually found myself on the tippy-top of a parking garage. Before I even opened my door, the rain stopped and the sun was shining. It didn't start raining again until we were driving home. After the first set the band moved to the sidewalk and we had ourselves an outside concert. I was surrounded by friends, new and old, family, and passersby who stopped to listen, hear my story, and show support. In all, over $2600 was raised and more continues to be donated on a monthly basis. I am very grateful for my friends who helped make this possible and for everyone who came out to show their support. And of course for all the donations.
Shortly after that wonderful day I had a devastating discovery. A discovery I would keep all to myself for weeks. My mind needed time to process what my mouth was going to have to say. Maybe part of me believed that if I didn't talk about it, it would go away. Deep down I knew that wasn't the case, but denial can be so necessary at times. In one of my moments, I broke down crying and shared my news with Bob, but only Bob.
When I got diagnosed, there were very few people that I actually told personally. Bob had the displeasure of that job. I did however tell my mother. But not this time. I wasn't talking. I was completely shut down. Bob had to step in and enlist some moral support for me.
At the end of March, I had one detectable mass, as seen by ultrasound and mammogram, and clean lymph nodes. By the end of June, just three months later, I had two masses, one large and one very small, maybe the size of a pea. By the end of July, I had an enlarged lymph node, and both masses had multiplied many times over. I was quickly reminded of the monster with which I was dealing.
Panicked, I made appointments. And no, not with an oncologist. As I had stated previously, the conventional path is not for me. So I made appointments, three of them. One with an M.D who practices integrative medicine. Another with a nutritional counselor. And the last one with a chiropractic doctor who specializes in this sort of thing.
Remember the doctor from way back for whom I had lost all tolerance? Yeah, I went to him. Bob had run into him and he asked how I was doing. He was shocked to hear that after 18 months I was still on this road. He was also very adamant that I get in to see him. And I was happy I did.
There were weeks of thinking leading up to those appointments, mulling over everything that I had been doing from beginning to end. What was different? If this was working before, why isn't is working now? This once very small mass, so small I could feel the titanium marker, was now the size of a golf ball. And a second one had grown and was not too far behind in size. How? Why?
All three professionals basically wondered the same thing as I did. In the end they each determined it was me. Me? Yep, me. My thinking had changed. After that appointment at Hillman in late March, the recorded message playing through my head became an echo of all the things they had said to me that day; "You need to be careful of what you are reading...there's no scientific research to back up anything you are doing...if you don't get this taken care of [by an oncologist] or you are going to die..." Even though I knew what I was doing was working, even though I knew there was a ton of research to back up everything I was doing, even though I was expecting to hear those very words come from their mouths, they got me. At first I was okay. But after a couple of weeks, they got me. The months following that appointment were spent internally planning my funeral. I had daily thoughts of ending it all. It seemed perfectly reasonable to me that speeding up the inevitable would be better for those around me, better for my family, better for my friends.
Apparently, my body was responding to this negativity. My PH levels, which I test daily, dropped. Regardless of what I did, I was in a constant state of acidosis. (I don't have the time to explain PH levels here, but on a scale of 0-14, a healthy PH should be slightly neutral, just above 7. Mine was in the 5-5.5 range.) A perfect condition for c***** to thrive.
The only other time I had experienced such rapid growth was in the very beginning when I was waiting for a diagnosis. So is it possible that this mass of mutated cells has stress hormone receptors? It is possible, but they don't test for that.
So then the answer would be to reduce stress. Right?
So what do I do about it? How do I get this turned around?
So if it was indeed my mind that put me off track, then the obviously place to start would be my mind. I've been working on relaxation techniques, visualization, and positive affirmations. I've been reading a book based on the research related specifically to this in regards to c***** treatment. I was shocked how much our thoughts control how our bodies respond.
On day three doing these simple exercises outlined in this book, I realized that each day my PH climbed a little higher. By the fifth day it was within an acceptable range. And now, it's where it needs to be.
I've also started weekly IV treatments. At first I was getting vitamin C IV's and now I am getting hydrogen peroxide. While I don't have the time to explain the benefits here, it is widely accepted and perfectly safe. After my first treatment, I felt more energetic than I have in a long time.
Another therapy that had been suggested but wasn't practical because of time or money, was the use of a sauna. The daily hassle of going somewhere and the cost previously kept me from considering this. However, a few weeks ago, I come home from church to find an infrared sauna in my bedroom. Bob, through a odd set of circumstances, made contact with a man who was looking to get rid of one. The man originally wanted nearly $1000 for it, but Bob was able to talk him down to just a couple hundred. Infrared sauna offers many health benefits, not only for holistic treatment, but for those who have chosen conventional treatment as well.
So, while things have gotten not good, they are improving from where they were. I guess most importantly, I have peace. My days are filled with joy. I don't have fear over the future. Continued prayers are always appreciated.
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