What is that?

February 18th marked my one year anniversary. In some ways it's hard to believe that it has already been one year and in others it's hard to believe that it hasn't been longer as it feels like on some days as though it has been many.

I've been thinking back on the days leading up to the diagnosis lately, both the day that I had the mammogram and ultrasound and the day of the biopsy. I can quite vividly remember the expression on the radiologists face as she was looking at the ultrasound screen. I had gone to Hillman Cancer Center where the radiologist was actually the one doing the ultrasound not a technician. She chose her words carefully and at that time I was clinging to any possible diagnosis other than the dreaded "C" word. She had given me the name of something else that it could have possibly been,  as we later found out that would be false hope.

I returned on a different day to then have the biopsy done. I thought I knew what to expect as they had described the procedure to me when it was determined from the ultrasound I would need a biopsy done. Only as I sat in the exam room waiting all alone I took notice of some small cubes of clear plastic. In each of the several cubes were very tiny, differently shaped pieces of metal. I would soon find out they were titanium markers. I remember thinking that if one of those things were going to be placed inside of me that no doubt that is something that would have been told to me. Right?

After someone came in and asked a bunch of standard, routine questions I was escorted to the room where the biopsy would be done. I was then sitting in the room on the procedure table with three hospital employees around me when finally they explained that after the tissue sample was taken a titanium marker would be placed in the tumor. I was wrong! I had a hard time believing that everyone up until that point had left out what I thought was such an important detail. I like making informed decisions, but evidently that wasn't going to be possible. I argued against it, but outnumbered 3 to1 and they were saying it is absolutely necessary, I really didn't feel as though I had any other choice. I ultimately gave in with the thought that I would eventually have a lumpectomy and it would no longer be of any concern.

Several days later I learned the results of that biopsy. And here I am one year later.

A few days ago, I was feeling what is remaining of my once stage II sized tumor and felt something peculiar. Imagine the thinnest gauge guitar string possible was wrapped around the tip of a pen then the pen was removed leaving only this small, rounded, very thin wire. That's what I can feel peeking out from surrounding hard tissue. Now I can't say with 100% certainty, but I believe that what I am feeling is the titanium marker that was placed during the biopsy. And since I wasn't able to feel it until a few days ago, I do believe that is a good indication that the mass is continuing to shrink.

A lot of people have been asking me if I have gotten another ultrasound, yet? I have not. That's the plan, though. So after I have I'll be sure to let you all know what those results are. For now, continued prayers are appreciated.