This post is dedicated to my friend, Jamie, who reminded me over lunch last week that I haven't posted in awhile. Thanks for over 21 years of friendship with births, marriages, deaths, more births, and for me more and more births, marriage struggles and c*****....I think we've covered just about everything.
Now to my update:
Now to my update:
Imagine trying to watch your hair grow. Imagine trying to watch grass or a flower or a child grow. When you are in constant sight of something you often don't notice the subtle changes like you would if you hadn't seen it for awhile. Similarly, it is hard for me to tell whether this mass is getting smaller from day to day. I would most definitely benefit from not paying it any attention for a period of time, say even a week, but instead I'm almost nearly obsessed with touching it, trying to figure out if it is smaller than the day before. I can't tell you if that is the case, but thinking back to December 4th, the day of my last ultrasound, I know for certain it is smaller now.
I'm not sure that what I have remaining even qualifies as a lump anymore. I can no longer grab it around the edges in either direction, left to right or top to bottom. It is taller than it is wide, but feels nearly flat, especially around the edges. From what I can feel, in the middle there seems to be a pit or a dimple. It would seem to me, if it continued to shrink in the same pattern it would be two separate smaller sections of hard abnormal tissue.
I have my days where I get frustrated because I was truly hoping it would have been gone by now. I've read lots of stories of people who have cured their c*****s in much less time than this. Although I've read just as many that took longer. On days when I'm feeling down and out I try to remind myself that as long as I am making progress, no matter how long it takes, I'm moving in the right direction.
My journey on a holistic path began in April. I've made mistakes and gave into temptations in those early months from April through September, eating things I shouldn't have eaten, and ultimately caused the c***** to grow and spread. That is why when I am eventually c*****-free and count the number of weeks this took I will be counting from September 29th. That's when I switched back to what I am doing now. Since my late September ultrasound I have not eaten things that I shouldn't have. I have had absolutely no animal products or by-products and no sugary items, no sugar substitutes, nothing with sugar as an ingredient, which was one of the mistakes I made the first go at it. Both the salsa and the tomato sauce I was eating had sugar as an added ingredient which I never would have suspected.
Not being able to enjoy the usual foods that I have eaten all my life has had its challenges. But I can say that I have successfully made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Brennan's birthday, Reagan's birthday, Aiden's birthday, Bob's birthday, and my own birthday. (not in that order but all since the end of September till now) I haven't snuck so much as a bite of any off-limit foods.
I think most people would be surprised if they knew what I ate, after all being a gluten free, organic, sugarless vegan who is not allowed fried foods, salt (I am allowed sea salt), caffeine, fluoride, GMO's, tap water, microwaved food, artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives sounds pretty restrictive to most. (this may not be a complete list) But I have found many new foods that I enjoy. Tonight's dinner... Thai curry sauce over lightly sauteed Asian vegetables with organic wild rice...mmmm.
When my friend and I met for lunch last week it was the only time during this past four months that I had gone out to eat for the obvious reason....What was I going to eat?? I gave in on the organic figuring if that was the only time it wouldn't do much harm. I was actually surprised when I managed to order a fulfilling meal off the menu. Jamie and I both had a good laugh at how completely random it was. I had a side salad, no croutons, with Italian dressing, a baked potato, no butter or margarine, with a side of salsa, and a bowl of fruit. Although I wouldn't make a weekly event of this while still being in the active c***** stage it was nice to be able to go out and visit with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. ( This I guess could be considered eating something I shouldn't have because it wasn't organic, but it was the only time. I definitely didn't eat any sugar and animal....just to clarify)
When my friend and I met for lunch last week it was the only time during this past four months that I had gone out to eat for the obvious reason....What was I going to eat?? I gave in on the organic figuring if that was the only time it wouldn't do much harm. I was actually surprised when I managed to order a fulfilling meal off the menu. Jamie and I both had a good laugh at how completely random it was. I had a side salad, no croutons, with Italian dressing, a baked potato, no butter or margarine, with a side of salsa, and a bowl of fruit. Although I wouldn't make a weekly event of this while still being in the active c***** stage it was nice to be able to go out and visit with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. ( This I guess could be considered eating something I shouldn't have because it wasn't organic, but it was the only time. I definitely didn't eat any sugar and animal....just to clarify)
On a side note:
Since quitting chemo in March my hair has been a work in progress. It started slowly growing back about six weeks after my last treatment. I trimmed it with clippers every other weekend for the first couple of months until it got thicker. Since then I have let it grow having Bob or my mother or the kids trim just the hair at my neckline so as not to end up with a mullet. It's been slow to get here but I finally have 2.5 to 3 inches of hair, ten months later. Darker than it once was, I am thankful it didn't come back in gray as I heard it can. And maybe with some summer sun it will lighten up. I am considering at some point in the not too distant future getting an actual haircut.
Since quitting chemo in March my hair has been a work in progress. It started slowly growing back about six weeks after my last treatment. I trimmed it with clippers every other weekend for the first couple of months until it got thicker. Since then I have let it grow having Bob or my mother or the kids trim just the hair at my neckline so as not to end up with a mullet. It's been slow to get here but I finally have 2.5 to 3 inches of hair, ten months later. Darker than it once was, I am thankful it didn't come back in gray as I heard it can. And maybe with some summer sun it will lighten up. I am considering at some point in the not too distant future getting an actual haircut.
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