Thanksgiving day is usually a time when family and friends gather together, eat their favorite holiday foods and enjoy each other's company. Most years this is what we have done, too. This year, however, I decided that I would rather stay home. The inconvenience of trying to go anywhere caused by diet restrictions, both my own and the kids', made the idea of going anywhere just seem not worth it to me this year.
We did have an enjoyable, though non-traditional, day. We took the kids to the movies to see Frozen. I actually can't even remember the last time we all went to the movies together, if ever. Apparently this is a lot of people's holiday tradition because the movie theater was quite busy.
We skipped the turkey part of dinner, but Bob did make some of the other holiday usuals. He made special versions of old time favorites that I would be able to eat. I indulged in vegan mashed potatoes and gravy, gluten free, vegan stuffing and corn...mmm, mmm, mmm. It was so nice to have something different from what I usually eat.
The kids on the other hand don't enjoy Thanksgiving feast type foods, with the exception of Brennan, so Bob made them homemade pizzas. Bob's grandmother had made a pumpkin pie, so they enjoyed dessert first with gram and pap followed by dinner at home. I told you it was completely non-traditional.
I had learned such a valuable lesson from making my own list of what I'm grateful for that I decided to pass the lesson on to my children. I had each of them make a list of what they are grateful for and we shared our lists sitting around the fire pit enjoying a winter fire with some hot cocoa for them and veggie juice for me.
It was a stress-free, relaxing, much needed kind of day. And I do believe that a completely non-traditional Thanksgiving will be the "new tradition" around here.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Giving Thanks
The following is a list of 30 things I am grateful for in celebration of Thanksgiving. When I started the list I was feeling anything but thankful. After focusing my energy on all that I have instead of what I don't, my mood began to lift. After reading it leave a comment saying what you are grateful for.
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(This list is in no particular order and is by no means a complete list. I am thankful for these things and so much more)
30. TV land - because I love watching reruns of past favorite shows
29. to be over my fear of flying- I now have a sense of freedom that I could go anywhere in the world (well, if I had the money)
28. for my reverse osmosis unit - Bob connected it to our refrigerator so not only do I have clean water to drink I also have clean ice
27. my 18 year old Chevy Suburban - though it's old and falling apart, it still gets me to and from wherever I need to go
26. to be free from my addiction to diet soda - I haven't had any since the day I found out I had c*****, that was over 9 months ago
25. to be free from my addiction to soap operas- what an incredibly useless and wasteful way to spend my time, though I'm quite sure I have found new incredibly useless and wasteful ways to spend time
24. my job because not only does it pay bills but I get to be off most of the same days as my children and the summer
23. My grandmother from whom I have learned so much - She's almost 94 years old and has a lifetime of stories dating back to before the Great Depression
22. for all the people, some friends old and new and some people I have never met, that take time to leave comments / send me messages - those comments shed some light on some of my darkest days
21. for winter coat pockets- never fails, every year I feel as though I hit the lottery
20. for my best friend who would drop everything if I needed her, would give me her last dollar and not think twice, keeps all my secrets and supports me through all life's bumpy roads
19. my mother's love - I've definitely given her more than a few sleepless nights but she never gave up on me
18. my mother's guidance and support (yes, my mother gets two) at the age of just 15 I was pregnant. She protected me from the ridicule, gave me the option to give my baby up for adoption or to keep him, then taught me how to be a mother and made me take responsibility for him rather than doing everything for me. It was so difficult at the time but I love her for it now.
17. that for 10 years I was able to be a stay-at-home mother to my 5 beautiful children - financially it was rough but if given the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing
16. soccer- even though it takes up so much of our lives, the boys love it and the joy that it gives me watching them play is priceless
15. for chick flicks- because sometimes they are just so necessary
14. my only daughter- for being my little sidekick and well, the fact that we now wear the same size shoe, 'nough said
13. my oldest son- for not having been the typical teenager
12. my second born- for sharing my off-beat sense of humor
11. my fourth born- that through his food sensitivities I would have the opportunity to learn so much. It changed the course of our lives. His persistence in the midst of his struggles with dyslexia are inspiring and motivating. Though early on he was labeled the "bad one" by others, his adventurous and spirited personality bring joy to those around him
10. my fifth born- for being the best not girl baby ever. (I so desperately wanted a sister for Reagan) He absolutely never cried and slept through the night from the time he was born. His quiet demeanor and ability to play by himself made him the most perfect fifth child a mother could ask for.
9. for text messaging - because talking on the phone when you have children is a rarity.
8. that on 11/25/13 I combed my hair for the first time in 8 months :)
7. for all those who have given money, bought t-shirts, or candles, sent cards and more cards
6. for everyone who has prayed for me and continues to pray for me
5. for precious quiet moments alone - because they don't happen often, they are so much appreciated
4. for sunshine and 80 degrees and flip-flops and tanks- knowing they exist is what gets me through the winter months
3B. for Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and the East End Food Coop for supplying my family with food without all the nasty artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives.
3A. for the day I stumbled across www.feingold.org - it has undoubtedly changed the course of my life (I thought of this after I had completed the original list of 30, but it was way too important to leave out)
2. for my husband, Robert- though the 14 years we've been together haven't all been pretty we've stuck it out together. He has supported me like no other person through this journey. He supported my decision to have chemo (even though he didn't agree with it). He took care of me when I was too sick to take care of myself afterwards. And he has been my biggest supporter since quitting chemo and deciding to treat it holistically. He picks me up when I'm down. He's been both my rock and my soft place to fall. I could write pages of all the ways in which he helps me everyday and still probably not even mention everything. I never could have made it this far without him.
1. for God's never ending mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness
Have a blessed Thanksgiving everyone!
At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father. Ephesians 5: 20
.
(This list is in no particular order and is by no means a complete list. I am thankful for these things and so much more)
30. TV land - because I love watching reruns of past favorite shows
29. to be over my fear of flying- I now have a sense of freedom that I could go anywhere in the world (well, if I had the money)
28. for my reverse osmosis unit - Bob connected it to our refrigerator so not only do I have clean water to drink I also have clean ice
27. my 18 year old Chevy Suburban - though it's old and falling apart, it still gets me to and from wherever I need to go
26. to be free from my addiction to diet soda - I haven't had any since the day I found out I had c*****, that was over 9 months ago
25. to be free from my addiction to soap operas- what an incredibly useless and wasteful way to spend my time, though I'm quite sure I have found new incredibly useless and wasteful ways to spend time
24. my job because not only does it pay bills but I get to be off most of the same days as my children and the summer
23. My grandmother from whom I have learned so much - She's almost 94 years old and has a lifetime of stories dating back to before the Great Depression
22. for all the people, some friends old and new and some people I have never met, that take time to leave comments / send me messages - those comments shed some light on some of my darkest days
21. for winter coat pockets- never fails, every year I feel as though I hit the lottery
20. for my best friend who would drop everything if I needed her, would give me her last dollar and not think twice, keeps all my secrets and supports me through all life's bumpy roads
19. my mother's love - I've definitely given her more than a few sleepless nights but she never gave up on me
18. my mother's guidance and support (yes, my mother gets two) at the age of just 15 I was pregnant. She protected me from the ridicule, gave me the option to give my baby up for adoption or to keep him, then taught me how to be a mother and made me take responsibility for him rather than doing everything for me. It was so difficult at the time but I love her for it now.
17. that for 10 years I was able to be a stay-at-home mother to my 5 beautiful children - financially it was rough but if given the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing
16. soccer- even though it takes up so much of our lives, the boys love it and the joy that it gives me watching them play is priceless
15. for chick flicks- because sometimes they are just so necessary
14. my only daughter- for being my little sidekick and well, the fact that we now wear the same size shoe, 'nough said
13. my oldest son- for not having been the typical teenager
12. my second born- for sharing my off-beat sense of humor
11. my fourth born- that through his food sensitivities I would have the opportunity to learn so much. It changed the course of our lives. His persistence in the midst of his struggles with dyslexia are inspiring and motivating. Though early on he was labeled the "bad one" by others, his adventurous and spirited personality bring joy to those around him
10. my fifth born- for being the best not girl baby ever. (I so desperately wanted a sister for Reagan) He absolutely never cried and slept through the night from the time he was born. His quiet demeanor and ability to play by himself made him the most perfect fifth child a mother could ask for.
9. for text messaging - because talking on the phone when you have children is a rarity.
8. that on 11/25/13 I combed my hair for the first time in 8 months :)
7. for all those who have given money, bought t-shirts, or candles, sent cards and more cards
6. for everyone who has prayed for me and continues to pray for me
5. for precious quiet moments alone - because they don't happen often, they are so much appreciated
4. for sunshine and 80 degrees and flip-flops and tanks- knowing they exist is what gets me through the winter months
3B. for Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and the East End Food Coop for supplying my family with food without all the nasty artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives.
3A. for the day I stumbled across www.feingold.org - it has undoubtedly changed the course of my life (I thought of this after I had completed the original list of 30, but it was way too important to leave out)
2. for my husband, Robert- though the 14 years we've been together haven't all been pretty we've stuck it out together. He has supported me like no other person through this journey. He supported my decision to have chemo (even though he didn't agree with it). He took care of me when I was too sick to take care of myself afterwards. And he has been my biggest supporter since quitting chemo and deciding to treat it holistically. He picks me up when I'm down. He's been both my rock and my soft place to fall. I could write pages of all the ways in which he helps me everyday and still probably not even mention everything. I never could have made it this far without him.
1. for God's never ending mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness
Have a blessed Thanksgiving everyone!
At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father. Ephesians 5: 20
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Dancing Again
As you know from my last blog posting I was having a rough few days. Immediately following that post I decided to write down thirty things I am grateful for in an attempt to help my worn spirit. At first I found this task incredibly difficult. My mood was such that I really didn't feel like being thankful, which is exactly why I knew I needed to write it. About halfway through it became easier. By the time I had neared the end I easily could have come up with thirty more. I was beginning to feel better already. I'll share that list in another post.
Okay, so I had my list. Now what, I thought. Knowing the importance exercise plays in mental health I decided to get on the trampoline and start jumping. Even if I only could manage to do it for a few minutes, I told myself, it would help. That was really just my way of tricking myself into starting which is always the hardest part when you really don't feel like doing anything at all.
Next, I decided to up my daily dose of vitamin D since my exposure to sunlight is nonexistent in Pittsburgh in November. Additionally, Bob gave me some passion flower to take.
I had covered all the basics I could think of. I was feeling better, but by no means was I feeling motivated, the kind of motivation that I felt I needed to kick some c***** butt.
That all took place on Tuesday. The next day we were supposed to get a big snow storm. I say supposed to because once again the weathermen were wrong, (surprised? not really) and we didn't get anything at all.
So with just wet roads on Wednesday morning, I decided to make a trip to the nutritionist's office to buy some needed supplements. Rarely when I'm out anywhere do I buy items that I've deemed unnecessary, but there was book that caught my attention- "A C***** Battle Plan: six strategies for beating c*****, from a recovered "hopeless case" by Anne E Frahm. I decided to splurge and I'm so glad I did.
This Book was the best $15 ever spent. Well, maybe not ever, but definitely worth every penny and then some. I can not say enough good things about this book. Now I'm not much of a reader, mostly because it's difficult to find the time, but once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. I read the entire book, all 172 pages, in one day. The author covered every aspect of her recovery- diet, exercise, attitude. I already knew most of the information in it but it was so nice to be able to relate to the author's thoughts and feelings and to feel validated in my own. Her simplistic way of retelling her story makes it a great read for everyone that is battling c***** or knows someone battling it, so everyone!
She wasn't diagnosed until she was in stage IV, after a misread mammogram and months of being told by doctors all her aches and pains were the result of something else. She endured months of chemo and had radiation, surgery, and a stem cell transplant. When all else had failed she turned to nutrition.
If you or someone you know has c***** this is a must read book. A MUST READ BOOK!!
From a scientific standpoint another book to read is "The China Study" but if you're like me and prefer the documentary version, watch "Forks over Knives" when you have an hour to spare. It's available on Netflix.
AND BUY THE BOOK!! And if anyone does buy and read the book, be sure to tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if you loved it as much as me.
Okay, so I had my list. Now what, I thought. Knowing the importance exercise plays in mental health I decided to get on the trampoline and start jumping. Even if I only could manage to do it for a few minutes, I told myself, it would help. That was really just my way of tricking myself into starting which is always the hardest part when you really don't feel like doing anything at all.
Next, I decided to up my daily dose of vitamin D since my exposure to sunlight is nonexistent in Pittsburgh in November. Additionally, Bob gave me some passion flower to take.
I had covered all the basics I could think of. I was feeling better, but by no means was I feeling motivated, the kind of motivation that I felt I needed to kick some c***** butt.
That all took place on Tuesday. The next day we were supposed to get a big snow storm. I say supposed to because once again the weathermen were wrong, (surprised? not really) and we didn't get anything at all.
So with just wet roads on Wednesday morning, I decided to make a trip to the nutritionist's office to buy some needed supplements. Rarely when I'm out anywhere do I buy items that I've deemed unnecessary, but there was book that caught my attention- "A C***** Battle Plan: six strategies for beating c*****, from a recovered "hopeless case" by Anne E Frahm. I decided to splurge and I'm so glad I did.
This Book was the best $15 ever spent. Well, maybe not ever, but definitely worth every penny and then some. I can not say enough good things about this book. Now I'm not much of a reader, mostly because it's difficult to find the time, but once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. I read the entire book, all 172 pages, in one day. The author covered every aspect of her recovery- diet, exercise, attitude. I already knew most of the information in it but it was so nice to be able to relate to the author's thoughts and feelings and to feel validated in my own. Her simplistic way of retelling her story makes it a great read for everyone that is battling c***** or knows someone battling it, so everyone!
She wasn't diagnosed until she was in stage IV, after a misread mammogram and months of being told by doctors all her aches and pains were the result of something else. She endured months of chemo and had radiation, surgery, and a stem cell transplant. When all else had failed she turned to nutrition.
If you or someone you know has c***** this is a must read book. A MUST READ BOOK!!
From a scientific standpoint another book to read is "The China Study" but if you're like me and prefer the documentary version, watch "Forks over Knives" when you have an hour to spare. It's available on Netflix.
AND BUY THE BOOK!! And if anyone does buy and read the book, be sure to tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if you loved it as much as me.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Somebody Cue the Music, Please...
You've all probably heard the saying "life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain". I've done a pretty good job at dancing in the rain, after all I've been in the middle of a storm for the past 10 months. And even though I have not-so-good days, the good definitely out way the bad, most of the time, until lately.
In just the past couple of weeks my truck has left me stranded three times, twice with a dead battery and once with a flat tire. We replaced the battery and patched the tire. Both were relatively cheap fixes. Then the washing machine broke, but fortunately we were able to find a replacement from craigslist and talk the sellers down to just $100, only to find out while Bob was installing the new washer that the hot water tank is rusty and should be replaced very soon.
Old me would have been upset by these things. I would have thought enough is enough already and had a pity party for days. But honestly, none of it mattered to me. None of it stressed me out. I was still dancing.
The past five days I can't say that has been the case. Since Friday I've been somewhat of an emotional train wreck. Most times I can tie my bad moods to something, an incident, a story, my monthly cycle, being overly tired. SOMETHING! Not this. I think this must just be an accumulation of my current circumstances. I despise winter, snow, and cold. I'm not a fan of the holidays. And I'm absolutely sick of having c*****.
I try to look on the positive side. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would say I'm lucky because I am only stage 2, and yes, I get that. I try to remind myself of this all the time. But on some days, days like today, and the previous four days, I'm having trouble keeping things in the usual perspective.
I'm worn. I'm tired. I would like to be done now.
As I shared before I have scheduled an appointment for my next breast ultrasound. It will be on December 4th at 9 am. I guess that people would think I may feel some sort of sense of relief knowing that a checkup is near, but that really isn't the case. It seems that the closer I get to the appointment the harder the time I have holding it all together.
I was hoping, probably unrealistically, that when I went back for this check up that "it" would be gone. But what if it isn't?
Then I keep going.
What I need to remember is that as long as there is forward progress then there is success. As long as it is smaller than the last time, then what I am doing is working and I will continue. I need to focus on how far I've come not how far I have to go.
Pray for my sanity as this day approaches. I know my husband and children would appreciate it. And I swear the next post will be more upbeat than the last two. I hate to sound like such a downer all the time.
In just the past couple of weeks my truck has left me stranded three times, twice with a dead battery and once with a flat tire. We replaced the battery and patched the tire. Both were relatively cheap fixes. Then the washing machine broke, but fortunately we were able to find a replacement from craigslist and talk the sellers down to just $100, only to find out while Bob was installing the new washer that the hot water tank is rusty and should be replaced very soon.
Old me would have been upset by these things. I would have thought enough is enough already and had a pity party for days. But honestly, none of it mattered to me. None of it stressed me out. I was still dancing.
The past five days I can't say that has been the case. Since Friday I've been somewhat of an emotional train wreck. Most times I can tie my bad moods to something, an incident, a story, my monthly cycle, being overly tired. SOMETHING! Not this. I think this must just be an accumulation of my current circumstances. I despise winter, snow, and cold. I'm not a fan of the holidays. And I'm absolutely sick of having c*****.
I try to look on the positive side. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would say I'm lucky because I am only stage 2, and yes, I get that. I try to remind myself of this all the time. But on some days, days like today, and the previous four days, I'm having trouble keeping things in the usual perspective.
I'm worn. I'm tired. I would like to be done now.
As I shared before I have scheduled an appointment for my next breast ultrasound. It will be on December 4th at 9 am. I guess that people would think I may feel some sort of sense of relief knowing that a checkup is near, but that really isn't the case. It seems that the closer I get to the appointment the harder the time I have holding it all together.
I was hoping, probably unrealistically, that when I went back for this check up that "it" would be gone. But what if it isn't?
Then I keep going.
What I need to remember is that as long as there is forward progress then there is success. As long as it is smaller than the last time, then what I am doing is working and I will continue. I need to focus on how far I've come not how far I have to go.
Pray for my sanity as this day approaches. I know my husband and children would appreciate it. And I swear the next post will be more upbeat than the last two. I hate to sound like such a downer all the time.
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