Eating as Though My Life Depends on it....Oh wait, it Does

What does growth rate mean when you're talking about tumors?  Well, let me explain it to you the way it was explained to me by one of my doctors later in this process.

If you took 100 cells from the tumor, the percentage of those cells that divided is the growth rate. If 10 cells divided out of that 100 cells the growth rate would be 10%. Anything under a 10% growth rate is considered favorable. If 20 out of the 100 cells divided the growth rate would be 20%. Anything over a 20% growth rate is considered unfavorable.

What was my growth rate? The pathology report stated that the growth rate of my not so lovely c***** was 90%....90%...90%!!! That's pretty darn unfavorable.

I was sitting in the doctor's office during my first visit since being diagnosed when I was first told this number. He never mentioned the unfavorable part. I had no idea what that number meant, none at all. I had never heard of growth rate before. Sure, 90% seemed kind of high, but I had nothing to compare it to. Even when the doctor said it was the highest he had ever seen in his 26 years of practicing, it didn't mean much to me.

I was recently sorting through all of my papers from all of the doctors I've seen over the last few months. I came across a report and the word "unfavorable" jumped out at me. Unfavorable!? It, quite frankly, annoyed me. It was at that point all the pieces started connecting.

Most people have their c***** on average 2-5 years before being diagnosed, so I have read. I was told I only had mine for several months, 6-9 at most, and it was already a 2.5 centimeter mass. I can, looking back, remember physiological changes that occurred during this time that lead me to feel pretty certain I know when the c***** started.

In retrospect, I can understand why all the doctors seemed so panicky after examining me, why they all kept asking how I didn't notice this before, and wondering if I had recently lost weight, making the lump more noticeable. It all makes more sense now.    

In a very short period of time, still before I had been diagnosed, I practically watched it grow. When I first found the lump it was only palpable and not visible. Soon I was able to see it bulging through the skin. I recall being in a near state of panic. At the rate it was growing, I felt as though it was going to take over my entire body before they even diagnosed me.

Fortunately, for years Bob and I didn't have any cable, only Netflix. We watched many documentaries during that time. Ones about food, food and c*****, medical industry, big pharmaceutical companies, alternative health practitioners, and many other subjects. When I put this together with what I knew about food's relationship to health from our experience using the Feingold program with our children to correct ADHD-like behavior, it made a lot of sense to me. 

But when I was facing the possibility of having c*****, I wasn't thinking sensibly. I fully admit I wasn't thinking clearly during this time. I was too scared and too overwhelmed to formulate any plan.

Bob, on the other hand, was quick acting and on a mission to "fix" me. Being a jack of all trades, he can fix anything. In his mind he could fix me, too.  Remembering what we had watched years before, he was very adamant that I not wait for a diagnosis to start on a vegan diet. From that point on I didn't see any more growth. I honestly believe that this is what kept the tumor from growing any bigger or spreading.

I have in past posts described my dilemma in making my decision of a holistic approach vs. a conventional medical approach. I did originally decide to go with chemotherapy. After the first round of chemo the mass did shrink a considerable amount. After the second round, which was a different, less powerful drug, there didn't seem to be any change in the size at all.

Once starting chemotherapy I didn't follow a vegan diet very strictly at all.  I can even recall a time after getting the phone call when they told me I was BRCA1 positive binge eating chocolate, and just not caring at all that I was giving my c***** the other thing it loved to feed off of, sugar.

I find it very odd that doctors don't tell you to avoid certain foods that feed c*****. In fact, I got the complete opposite advice from the hospital. They sent me home with a pamphlet, "What to Eat While on Chemo?".  It said eat comfort foods like ice cream, pizza, and chocolate. REALLY??? If that's what you chose to eat against medical advice that would be your decision to do so, but for that to be the advice from doctors is absolutely ludicrous to me.

Anyway, all this rambling to bring me to the point of my story. Here I am two months post chemo treatment and my lump is not growing. It went from a super charged, highly aggressive, rapidly growing mass to not growing. You can not attribute the lack of growth to anything other than what I am eating. The chemo drugs, at this point, are completely out of my system. That is amazing to me.

Not growing is good, but it isn't my goal. Obviously, I want this thing gone. But trying to do it while working has been a challenge. I've also tried not to let this interfere too much with my children's lives, making it a point to go to every soccer and baseball game just as I always have. With baseball and soccer coming to an end and only 3 weeks of work left until summer vacation, I'm putting my plan on paper because it's just so easy to forget all the things I want to be doing. I either forget to dosomething or don't have the energy at the end of a long day.  I plan to make ridding my body of this c***** my work for the summer.

As far as an update, I did have a vitamin C IV last Monday and I am scheduled to have another one on Wednesday, May 29th. I am currently looking for a doctor closer to my house who can provide those for me. It would save both time and money since the one I am currently seeing is a 100 mile round trip. In a suburban that's not cheap.

My hair continues to be slow about growing back. As my sister pointed out to me, a baby's hair doesn't all grow in at the same time. It takes awhile before it's thick. All of my children were still practically bald on their first birthday. I hope it happens quicker than that. In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself, it's just hair.

The school that my children attend and the school where I work did a joint fundraiser on my behalf and raised $1,130. This will be incredibly helpful in my journey as the monthly cost of everything I am doing is about $2,000. Thank you to everyone who bought/sold/made hoagies. I really do appreciate all of your support. And thank you to everyone else who has sent cards, notes and donations. I am truly feeling blessed. I enter all offline donations onto my Go Fund Me page so that everyone can see the incredible way in which God is providing for us during this time. If you wish to see it there is a link both on my blog page and my facebook page.

Until next week....

One Foot in Front of the Other

Saturday afternoon, at the conclusion of Ian's soccer game, I packed up the chairs and began to walk back to the parking lot. We had to walk the beaten windy path through the woods, up the hill. It's not terribly long, maybe 5-10 minutes, but when toting the miscellaneous soccer mom items, and not being in as good of condition as I once was, I expected it to be  an uncomfortable hike. 

Approaching the path I looked up. What felt like an enormous hill awaited me. I really didn't feel like trudging up this hill, but since that's where my vehicle was parked, I had no other choice. 

As I started walking, I noticed I was walking with my head down and my eyes focused on the ground at my feet. I didn't think about how much longer or how many more steps it would be before I reached the top.  I just kept stepping. I never looked up. And before I knew it I had made it.  

Then it occurred to me, this was very similar to the figurative hill I'm climbing. I can see the monumental climb ahead of me, but that's not where I'm focusing. My focus is at my feet, one foot in front of the other, plugging along. And just like the path from the soccer field to the parking lot, I'll be to the top of this hill before I know it. And once I'm at the top, I'll be able to stop, turn around, and see just how big my hill was. For now, I'm just stepping. 

Now on to the update. 

I went to see a new doctor on Thursday. His office, only 15 minutes from my home, takes half the time to get to. He spent a whole hour talking to me, taking notes on my back story, and listening to my concerns about my stomach. He thought that a hiatal hernia was causing part of my issues. He told me a technique I could use to correct it. He also suggested I switch two of the products I was taking, an enzyme and probiotic, for a kind that he thought would be more effective. After taking his advice I'm feeling 90% better. I'm able to drink and eat, and think for that matter, again. I say think because when you're in as much pain as I was in it's hard to think straight. I'm sure in a few more days I'll be back to feeling 100%.  Well, I'll be back to feeling how I was feeling before the stomach issues. I'm not sure at what point I'll be back to pre-chemo feeling again. 

In addition to the other therapies, I've started using a Rife machine, available at the doctor's. I really don't have a good enough understanding of it yet to be able to explain it. All I know is it uses radio waves to help current many different conditions, c***** being one of them. My thought is if it isn't going to hurt than why not, it's only $6 a week.

Also available for use at the new doctor's is an infrared sauna, which I have not used yet, but it is one of the things on my list that I have wanted to do. It's supposed to be very good for detoxing. One of the things that the thermo imaging did show that I forgot to mention was that my lymph system is clogged. Since that is your bodies first line of defense against cleaning the rest of your body it is something I need to work on cleaning out, which using a sauna would be very useful in helping to do. 

Tomorrow, Monday May 20th, I have my weekly appointment for an IV. I'm switching to the vitamin C this time. From everything that I have read about it, I feel as though it will be more beneficial than the H2O2. Plus, I can't be entirely sure that the hydrogen peroxide didn't somehow contribute to the imbalance of bacteria in my stomach being that it was already compromised from the two rounds of chemo.

Thank you for the many prayers. Until next week...

  

Lesson # 138 Be Thankful

 This past week and a half has been a lesson in being thankful. I have learned my lesson, I’ll be happy to eat my veggies, or anything else for that matter, from now on. No more complaining about not being able to eat what I want.

Sometime early last week I began to experience extreme discomfort after eating. Over the course of a few days this turned into excruciating pain when anything hit my stomach, even water. It made it next to impossible to eat how I need to in order to heal my body. I wouldn’t eat because I knew that when I did I would be doubled over in pain for hours afterward. It just wasn’t worth it. Eventually, I would get so hungry that I would have to eat and deal with the pain that inevitably would follow. Eating foods that I simply found to be not so appetizing would have been welcomed at this point.

Imagine if someone inserted a bicycle pump directly into your stomach and began to pump. Pump, pump, pump. The stomach expanding to the point it felt like it might burst. This is the only way I can describe how I felt. My stomach hurt. It hurt to even place my hand on it.

Then in addition to being hungry, doubt and worry starts to set in. Wonder if it has spread? I had two rounds of chemo. Have I detoxed too quickly? Do I have damage to my liver or pancreas or gallbladder? Ulcers? Yeast over growth? Parasites from raw food? The possibilities were endless.

I was  hesitant to seek help from conventional medical professionals before all this started, and even more so now. I don’t have much faith in their abilities to diagnose in every situation. Their knowledge, in my opinion, is limited and narrowly based mostly on prescription drugs, which would be counterproductive in my current situation, and treating symptoms, without treating the primary causes.

Antibiotics, while they have their purpose, are extraordinarily overused. What people don’t realize is that it can take your body up to two years to recover from one course. It not only kills the bad bacteria, but it also kills the good bacteria. A very large percentage of your immune system, something like 70%, is contained within your gastrointestinal tract, and is dependent upon healthy gut flora, something antibiotics would destroy. Since my chosen therapy is based on boosting my immune system, taking antibiotics would be out of the question. And taking any other prescription drugs would only be masking a bigger problem, not fixing it.

I thought of other possible scenarios if I elicited the help of medical doctors and ultimately decided that going to the emergency room, while not completely ruled out as unnecessary, would be my absolute last resort.  

First, I was going to try to fix it alone, well not completely alone. I had Bob to help me. He’s been like my own personal Dr. House.

I have some theories about what may have been causing the pain, but I can’t say for sure. There were a number of things that all changed around the same time.

I’m trying some different things. I’m taking an enzyme and probiotic. I drank apple cider vinegar to flush out my gallbladder, coconut oil for its multiple, wonderful uses, and trying to eat more often. So far things seem to be improving. I’ve eaten a few meals and with each one the pain decreases.

It’s not just medical doctors I have problems with. After a ridiculous last appointment with the natural doctor I've been seeing and have for years, I’ve decided to look for another one. I left his office on Monday feeling as though he was little to no help. He may be a brilliant man, but his antisocial behaviors have exceeded my tolerance levels. He’ll serve some purpose as I move forward, but I need someone I feel as though I can confer with and it’s not him.

Hydrogen peroxide treatments are going well. I’ve had two so far. I’ll continue with those on a weekly basis.

The results from my first thermal images are back. It showed I am estrogen dominance. I question whether this was the case before all this started or if this is a result of the treatments I underwent. When I looked up the symptoms of having excess estrogen, I’m definitely experiencing more now than I was prior to having chemotherapy. Regardless, it’s my current situation that I have to try to correct.

I’m questioning whether thermal imaging is going to be the best way to monitor my progress. I was told if there wasn’t a palpable lump, they wouldn’t have been able to even tell that I have c*****, and I’m not sure why that is. I clearly still have a lump. So I am not convinced this will be the best monitoring tool. I’m not an expert in thermography, but I wonder if the excess estrogen could be masking the tumor.

And even though I don’t think this is the case, the other possibility is that the c***** cells are dead and just have not been reabsorbed by the body. I have read stories where this has happened.

I was surprised to find out that the same facility where I had my thermal imaging done also offers sonograms. So next month I’ll have a sonogram. I know from when I had my original sonogram done, before my biopsy, they were able to measure the lump and tell me the exact size, which at the time was 2.5 cm or just about 1 inch. So I do feel as though this will be a better way to track progress.

Hair status:

I am almost 7 weeks post chemo. I was told that hair starts to grow back after a month. Somewhere in my head I created this scenario where all my hair would all grow back in at the same time as full as it was before it started to fall out. WRONG!! My hair is in three stages; the hair that never fell out, the hair that fell out and has started to grow back, and the hair that has yet to grow back. It’s obviously going to be a much longer process to grow back hair than I originally thought. Until that time I'll just continue to wear my headcoverings. 

Staying the Course

It isn't a question of how much we can endure but how long can we endure it. This has been my belief for a long time. We can handle being sick a day or two because we know that it is temporary. We know in a few days we'll feel all better and life will be normal again.

I remember the hardest part of being pregnant for me was the morning sickness, which if it was truly only in the morning it wouldn't have been bad. It was round the clock nausea for months. At first it wasn't so awful, but after awhile it wears you down. You get tired of being sick and tired.

That's where I am now. I have moments of "I'm so over having this". I miss having hair. I miss washing it. I miss brushing it. I miss pulling it back in a ponytail. I even miss having bad-hair-days.

I miss food. I miss eating food that I like. I want a piece of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

So while I have these moments from time to time throughout the week I don't let them overtake me. This is a mind game more than anything. I have to stay focused and in the moment. I have to take it day by day. I know what I have to do and I need to just do it. I'm well aware there is a bigger, grander picture, but I can't think about that right now. I need to "stay the course".

My focus this week:

Today is Monday, May 6th.  I am getting my first H2O2  IV treatment. Wednesday, May 8th, I have my first appointment for thermal imaging, which will serve as a baseline of where I'm starting. This will make it possible to monitor my progress.

As I eat every bite of green leafy goodness I will visualize c***** cells dying. Every ounce of those 64oz of carrot juice will be a small victory.

Just as I imagined the moment of getting "the phone call" when they told me the bad news, I will imagine "the phone call" getting the good news one hundred times over.

This week I won't be focused on one misguided "anonymous"  soul who tried to ruin my day with his comments left on my blog. I'll be focused and grateful for the many people who have sent cards, spoken or wrote encouraging words, who have given generously, and have initiated fundraisers on my behalf. Words can not even convey how much I appreciate it all. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such wonderfully thoughtful people.

I'm also thankful that my ovaries are functioning again, which has probably contributed somewhat to my moodiness this week.

Trying to heal my body has to be my time consuming priority, so I'll only be updating here once a week. That one day will probably happen on Sundays.


Enjoy your week.