Imagine the Unimaginable

From the time I found the mass in my breast in late January until I finally got a diagnosis on February18, I played out the moment I would hear the news over and over again in my head, imagining what it was going to  be like to hear them say those words. I imagined how they would say it. I imagined where I would be. I imagined how I wanted Bob to respond.  I imagined how I would react. I imagined how it would feel. I imagined every possible scenario there was to being told "you have c*****". But thinking back he never even said those words to me. He said "it's not good, it's invasive ductal carcinoma". I guess it's a good thing I'm relatively intelligent or I may not have even understood what he was saying. But I did understand and nothing I had imagined compared to when I was listening to him say it in reality. It was unimaginable.

Here I am, 10 months later, sitting here imagining. But this time I'm not imagining how devastating it will feel. I'm imagining how happy I will be. I'm imagining how I'll find out. I'm imagining where I will be. I'm imagining who I'll tell first. I'm imagining how others will respond. I'm imagining how I'll react. I'm imagining what it will be like to hear them say "you don't have c*****". And I imagine it will be pretty unimaginable.